April 28, 2020

TW // suicide

On a dreary day, just before some storms began on the night of the 28th of April last year, I lost a friend named Jon to suicide. Of course it hurt me, but it was an agonizing loss for some of my friends who were closer to him than I was. It's weird how quicly a person can go from a friend to a distant memory. I don’t have many memories with Jon, but the memories that I do have of him, and everything I’ve heard about him has been that he was the most genuinely kind human being out there. He was the type of person that would go out of his way daily to make other people happy, and he loved his friends so much. But, I am not here to talk about him. Instead, I’d like to talk about how we can prevent other people from feeling the dark clouds of suicide as their only way out.

First, I’d like to say that I am no expert. If you or someone you love is in an emergency of any kind, call 911. If you are suicidal, or feel your depression spiraling out, you can reach out to 1 800-273-8255 which is the national suicide hotline. This is not meant to be a substitute for professional help. I am simply providing the best information that I know how in order to save someone like you or your friend.

One of the most important ways you can help someone who may be having suicidal thoughts is knowing the signs. If you don't know what to look for, you can’t help. According to suicidepreventionlifeline.org, some signs may include talking about suicide, researching ways to kill themselves, buying a weapon like a gun, increasing drug or alcohol use, reckless behavior, and self-isolating. However, you know your friend’s habit. Even without knowing the signs, you may see them start to talk about some concerning topics like being a burden to others, feeling trapped, or being in pain. (See sources for full list.)

If you see these or any other strange signs, take them seriously. And- as scary as it may be- ask if they are okay. Some people fear that they may put the idea of suicide in someone’s mind, but according to rethink.org, asking won’t make it more likely to happen. In fact, even if they say they are fine and use reassuring words, look for nonverbal cues like avoiding eye contact.

If a day comes when you ask if someone is feeling suicidal and they say yes, There are some steps you need to take to keep them safe. Most importantly, understand the gravity of the situation, and do not swear yourself to secrecy. Their safety is more important than their privacy.

Ask yourself questions like

Does the person have a plan?

Do they have the means to complete this plan?

Knowing if the person experiencing suicidal thoughts has the means to attempt suicide can tell you how much danger the person is in. If someone is in immediate danger, the next step is to call 911.

Once you know that the person is safe for the moment, ask them what’s wrong and listen to what they say. Be empathetic and supportive. Be a good friend, and let them know that they’re not alone. Don’t invalidate their opinion with phrases like “At least…” or “It will get better,” or “You should be happy.” Although these words can have the best intentions, they minimize the problem at hand and the person’s feelings.

After listening and supporting the person who is experiencing suicidal thoughts, you can shift the topic of conversation to ways to get them help. Some people can be resistant to help, but one thing to remember is that, if you’re sick, you go to the doctor. Logically, if you’re struggling with your mental health, you should see a doctor as well. You can find a list of resources on psychology today's website.

Lastly, These are not hard and fast rules. Every situation is different, and every person is different. Each case can be handled as such; these are just some basic guidelines that can be used in a pinch.

This article is just meant to be a good starting position. I urge you to do your own research. I have linked several sites below that you call pull information from; knowing about how to support someone through difficult times can potentially save their life. After having lost Jon, it is absolutely worth it to me to take the time to research ways that I can help people who struggle with suicidal thoughts in the future, and I hope after reading this you come to the same conclusion.

Sources

Andrea Downey, Digital Health Reporter and Marie Pan. “Things You Should NEVER Say to Someone Who's Suicidal - and How to Help.” The Sun, The Sun, 14 Sept. 2018, www.thesun.co.uk/fabulous/7232562/how-to-help-someone-suicidal/.

“How The 5 Steps Can Help Someone Who Is Suicidal.” #BeThe1To, 13 Apr. 2021, www.bethe1to.com/bethe1to-steps-evidence/.

How to Support Someone with Suicidal Thoughts, www.rethink.org/advice-and-information/carers-hub/suicidal-thoughts-how-to-support-someone/.

“Help Someone Else.” Lifeline, suicidepreventionlifeline.org/help-someone-else/.

“How to Ask Someone About Suicide.” NAMI, www.nami.org/Blogs/NAMI-Blog/September-2019/How-to-Ask-Someone-About-Suicide.