What Family Means to me: Part II

Yesterday, I wrote about my definition of family, which ended up being the people I have familial love for, and I believe I will permanently be in my life. But, today, I would like to talk about something a little more ✨philosophical✨ the different schools of thought regarding ethics of care, more specifically, what we owe our parents.

One way to think about your parents is how most people think about their parents, is the idea, owe everything to our parents. People think this way because their parents have given up their social lives, money, and your mom has even given up her body for a time to make a decent human being out of a helpless baby. And, this is true, but this way of thinking doesn't account for adoptive parents, step-parents, or even just really crummy parents who are toxic or abusive. Which is where the next way of thinking comes in.

Some people think that, what you owe your parents, as far as time and money go, is proportional to how much you benefitted from their parenting. This is a bit better because it means that you don't have to give your life over to your parents when they need it if they didn't provide for you when you needed it. Once you're an adult, however, you should get to choose what you do with your time and resources. And, some people can use this to their advantage by catastrophizing or taking their parents' words and actions out of context to say that they owe their parents nothing. Basically, this system is an easy one to cheat.

I personally believe that we owe our parents absolutely nothing. This is a bold statement, so hear me out. When your parents brought you into the world (or adopted you or married your parent), they agreed to be your parents, you had no say in the ordeal. Also, you being an infant could not enter a contract, so there was no agreement between you and your parents, spoken or unspoken, saying that you owe them for raising you, "But that's just technicality!" I know, I hear you, but my point still stands. And, I'm not saying I don't respect them or love them, because I do. Once I am eighteen, and my parents are no longer responsible for my well-being and actions, I want to be friends with my parents. I don't want to feel like I have to do anything for them. My relationship with my parents will work because when I can, I'll help them out, and when they can, they'll help me out. There won't be a tally of who helped who last and who owes who money or time. It will be a friendship.

I have really loving parents who do what they can for me, so I will want to maintain my relationship with them when I am an adult, but I won't feel obligated. I don't think parents are meant to be parents for their whole lives, but once their children are adults, they should become friends with them. I will always love and respect my parents, but I can't wait until I am no longer their responsibility so that I can bond with them more than I can as a child.

If you disagree, leave a comment and tell me how you feel about family obligations. I would love to hear from people, especially people who are adults and have a different relationship with their parents than I do.