What family means to me

I think that I have an interesting opinion on the meaning of family. Of course, it means the people to whom you are related, right? Well yes, if we're only talking about family in the literal sense of the word. My siblings, parents, cousins, grandparents, etc. are my family, but I think that definition is a bit too strict. Other people will tell you that you choose your family, they may consider their biological family their family, or they might only consider close friends their family. Those people tend to use the word loosely, which I make a point not to. So, this is about me getting down to the bottom of my definition of family.

First I'd like to address the obvious, my biological family is my family- all of them. That being said, they don't all HAVE to be my family. In theory if- say- someone denounced the Mayfield name or something like that, I wouldn't consider them family anymore. People can lose their title of family. But, if you're born into my family, I automatically consider you family.

Here's a funny story. My grandpa (my dad's dad) and my nana (my dad's mom) aren't together; my grandpa is married to my grammy. When I was about 13- yes it took me 13 years to realize this- I realized that you can only have 2 biological grandmothers- your mom's mom, and your dad's mom. My mom's mom is my grandma, but "Which one of my grandmothers isn't my grandmother?!" I asked myself. How could my grammy not be related to me? Well, that made me realize that family isn't exclusively those who share DNA with you. My grammy's family is also my family. But why? Because we go to their house for Christmas? Because we're step-related? No.

We are family because they have this certain intrinsic value to me. Now, I believe that all people have intrinsic value. But, the way I can differentiate my family from my friends is the way I value, or love them. There is a very distinct type of love that I have for my family. This is described in greek as "storge." Hank Green talks in CrashCourse about family being built on love, not just blood.

So, we have the blood part covered, and the by marriage part covered. But what about my friends? Some people consider their friends to be family, and in the end, it's up to each individual who they call family, but to me, even my closest friends aren't family. I can think of four people that I am not related to by blood, that I've ever considered family. I'm sure that my siblings and parents will have beef with this post, but these are the people to me; my god-parents- Trista, and Richard, my dad's friend Oscar, and my best friend of eight years, Greta. I, unfortunately, had a falling out with Greta recently, but I considered her family because I thought that she was a permanent fixture in my life with whom I had a strong familial attachment. Trista, Richard, and Oscar are the same, Oscar even lived with us for a while- he made my favorite cake for my birthday. All of them- I feel that even if we go a while without seeing them, I love them and we will always have that familial attachment.

Where do I draw the line between friends and family? Well, you may have noticed that I mentioned "permanent" in the last paragraph. I think that the biggest difference between friends and family is just that, permanence. I feel like I should say that when it comes to storge, real love and permanent love are synonymous. Some will disagree, but I think if you truly love someone, unless they deeply hurt your relationship, you won't just stop loving them. So, the difference to me between friends and family, is whether or not they have proven themself to be a permanent part of my life. Some might say I overuse the word love with my friends, and that's because I do love them. But, I don't claim them as family just because of the "brotherly love" that I have for them. As deeply as I care for them, I realize that they have not been with me since day one, and chanced are they won't be with me in my last days. My family will be, and I would feel disrespected if one of my family members, who is, and will always be a part of my life, said I'm not their"real family" but a buddy from high school is family to them. By that logic, I feel that I should only call those who will be in my life for the rest of my life family.

Finally here is my definition of family. Family is the people in your life, who will be in your life for the long run, for whom you have familial, storge, love. Tomorrow, come back for a post on what we owe to our family.